Close Connections: Kathleen & Paul – with Paul around, I’d experiment in the kitchen

Kathleen cooked Sunday roasts, lasagnes, lemon chicken with fried rice, spaghetti bolognese, curries and Paul’s favourite, ham broth with steamed cabbage and crusty bread.

“Sometimes, I threw together a Mediterranean salad to remind him of the years he’d spent living in Spain. We’d enjoy it with a glass of wine together. I’d pop down with extra food in the evenings or make wraps for his lunch. He’d tell me how he loved the ‘bones off me’ and that always made me laugh. ‘I wish I’d met you years ago,’ he’d say, and I’d tell him, ‘Yeah, so I could feed you!’”

It was a running joke between the pair, but their friendship was cemented in their sharing of meals.

“With Paul around, I’d experiment a bit in the kitchen. It kept my confidence up to cook things that were a bit different.”

There was a deeper comfort in eating with Paul. “After losing my mother and two relatives, I spent years struggling to eat and my weight plummeted to five stone. I knew I had to eat more, but nothing seemed to help that struggle until I found Paul.”

When Paul came home after long shifts, Kathleen found a family tradition of hers creeping back in. “I’d open the door and call out, ‘Paul, what did you have for lunch? What are you having for dinner?’ He’d usually say a fry-up, so I’d make him a proper dinner and pack him a wrap for lunch with a salad. Then I’d eat some myself as there was plenty there. Cooking for Paul encouraged me to eat too, and that was life-changing.”

Paul also did his bit to support his friend. “I have arthritis, so Paul mashed the spuds, making the best mash going, never any lumps. If I was feeling low, he’d bring flowers and look after me. When he was diagnosed with terminal cancer 18 months ago, I was devastated.”

Paul had always been active and strong, but was struck down with liver cancer, which spread to other organs. “I’d worked in palliative care for a long time and knew he wouldn’t survive it.”

Kathleen kept cooking for Paul, but as the disease progressed and treatment took its toll, his appetite waned. “I’d make meals and Paul would say, ‘I’m sorry, I can’t eat it.’ It broke both our hearts, as that’s what we did together.” Instead, Kathleen began making rhubarb crumbles, trifles and stocking up on yogurts at Paul’s request.

Then, last August, Paul wanted to take Kathleen away for a weekend trip, to thank her for everything she’d done for him. The picture Kathleen posted on the BBC Good Food Together group was snapped as the pair booked a final stay in Lytham St Annes, near Blackpool.

“We stayed in the best hotel with lovely food. Even though Paul wasn’t eating much, he said he wanted to see me eat. When we came back he said we’d do it again in a few months.” But, another trip was sadly not meant to be, with Paul passing away shortly after the holiday in February 2022.

“I really miss Paul, but I know I’ve got to get on with it. There’s not a morning I wake up and don’t think about him, but I’m eternally grateful that I met him and could call him my friend for so long.”

Make Kathleen’s ham shank broth.